...Someday...

This afternoon as I was driving from one errand to the next, one of the the three little people in my backseat piped up out of about 10 minutes of a sleepy silence and said, "Mom, when is Jesus coming to get us?"


I have to admit, I stammered for a moment, because the question came from Cael. He is a typical four-year-old boy who really isn't concerned with those things that aren't right in front of his face, so this question totally took me by surprise. I took the opportunity to talk about Jesus' return. He wanted to know where Jesus is now, and why He'll be coming back. Hannah joined in the conversation and we just wandered around our imaginations about what it will be like to be with Jesus in heaven. I told them some of the basics of what the Bible says in regards to the gates of pearl, the streets of gold, the crystal clear sea... I could tell Hannah was really enjoying these pictures in her mind. We talked about how great it will be to see our family members who've died and already gone to heaven. And we talked about how it will feel to finally see Jesus.

The other day I went to see the movie Avatar. Now, regardless of what you think of that movie, you have to admit that there was some amazing scenery in it... What creativity the human mind has! But since I went to see it, I've been struck with one thing, and that is the limits of humanity vs. the limitlessness of God. If a human can think up and make a short movie experience like Avatar, can you imagine what God can do? Can you just imagine what heaven will be like? The beauty, the perfection, the absolute take-your-breath-away reality of heaven... I was reading in Revelations 21, and it talks about how the city streets of heaven will be made of gold that is so pure that it's transparent, like glass. Can you imagine?! The wall around the city is made of jasper, and it says the foundation is decorated with every kind of precious stone. The 12 gates of the city are 12 pearls. I mean, I can't even get my mind around all of this!


The really astounding part of this is that none of it will matter when we see our Savior. All my life I've heard about how there won't be any sickness or pain when we get there, how we'll have mansions, and walk on streets of gold. But several years ago, I fell in love with Jesus in such a way that my heart just aches to see him. And I believe that being with him will so far outshine all the other stuff that it won't matter.

Love Letters

Having just celebrated Valentines Day, I've been thinking a lot about love letters. The beautiful thing about a love letter is that it's physical, tangible. You can see it, touch it. It connects you to that person in a different way than the spoken word could ever do. Jeff and I spent about four months of our engagement apart. He moved to Iowa, while I stayed in Arkansas until our wedding day. We have a shoebox full of love letters that we wrote to each other during that time. I remember how much I missed Jeff during those months. There were moments when I started to doubt his love for me, if for no other reason than the fact that he was so far away. Whenever I started to feel that way, I would get a new letter from him in the mail, and I would pour over it for hours, reading it over and over again. The fact that he sat down to write out his feelings for me reminded me how special I really was to him...

I believe that God sends us love letters. Whether or not we've chosen to give Him control of our lives, He still whispers to us in a thousand different ways that He loves us. His love letters are meant to draw us to Him, to remind us that we are wanted by Him, that we are pursued by Him. I think I appreciate them most in the darkest moments, when my humanity is wreaking havoc with my faith. As I'm thinking about this, I realize He's been sending our family lots of little love notes lately... There have been three different occasions within the last month where God spoke through others to encourage us when we were feeling frustrated or down. Then, we got to have some unexpected fun time together as a family during two snow days! He is so good to us!

My favorite love letter from God recently came in the form of a neighbor, a friend. Her name is Tammy, and she lives next door to us. Tammy, her husband Brandon, and their 5-year-old son Caden moved back to Arkansas during a transition in their lives to be near family. They'd been given a vision from God in which they were working with college kids on a campus where Brandon is teaching. So, from that vision, he had completed his masters degree and had applied for a grant that would allow him to work on his PhD. They had planned to go to Chicago in the fall, to continue pursuing that calling. So, they had moved to this apartment complex because it was the only one in the area that allowed short term leases. However, shortly after they moved in, Brandon found out that he didn't get the grant.

Shortly after we found out that we wouldn't be going to Ireland, I met her downstairs while she was walking her dog Jingles. I'd been wanting to meet her since we'd moved in, but hadn't had the chance to do so. We talked briefly and realized that we'd both just found out that the direction we thought God was leading us had abruptly changed, with no clear idea of what our new direction should be! One day as our kids were playing together, Tammy wondered aloud, "Why, of all places, does God have us in Maumelle?" Jeff and I ask each other a similar question over and over again, "Why are we still here?"

Here we were: seemingly STUCK....and right next door to each other! We were questioning our ability to hear God's direction, wondering where we'd gone wrong, trying to figure out how we would be able to move forward.

It's been a difficult year. Honesty demands that I admit this: I have moments where I just feel like an idiot! Occasionally I run across someone I haven't seen in a while, and the response is always some form of "Hey, what are you still doing in Little Rock? I thought you were going overseas...?" I inwardly cringe every time I hear that because there are a lot of days when I don't understand it either, so I don't know how in the world to explain it to someone else, especially in a 2-minute run-in at the grocery store. Once we started to pursue overseas missions, Jeff and I spent the first several months in sheer excitement. There's something so exhilarating about knowing that the God of the universe has a specific plan for your life, and that He wants to use you. When God made it clear to us that we would no longer be going to Ireland, it was really confusing. And now, we long to begin the work He's set aside for us in Alconbury, but it seems to be taking so long to raise the necessary funds. This is where the enemy really plays with my insecurities. Jeff and I decided, however, that we would continue to obey Him regardless of how ridiculous we might look to everyone else (let's face it: our lives just don't make a lot of sense right now); so we just keep pushing onward, believing that if we haven't raised all of our support yet, He must still have a purpose for us here.

I have felt isolated, disappointed, forgotten, alone. There are moments when I want to throw my hands in the air and declare a pity party for all of us! But I know, even if I can't see it yet, that God has a plan here. Maybe it's that this time allows us to pull together as our own family unit. I've seen a lot of that, actually. Or, maybe it's an opportunity for strength-building. Maybe it's something that I can't even imagine. I know that it's for our good, that He's got our best interests in mind. Embarrassingly, however, knowing that fact doesn't make me immune to self-pity!

When I'm wallowing, though, all I have to do is look at the door next to mine and I can almost hear His whispers..."I'm here. I love you! I haven't forgotten you."

God loved this family enough to send us friends to walk with us through all of this...another family who will pray for us as we pray for them, because we are in very similar places in this journey. They are friends who will encourage us when we need it most; they offer a smile and some company when we might feel lonely. He didn't have to do that! But He did, and knowing that allows me to feel His love, when the enemy might try to convince me that He's forgotten us.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with loving-kindness."

Jeremiah 31:3

Discernment Weekend

As I write this, we are on our way to Colorado. We are going to 'Discernment Weekend' for MCYM in Colorado Springs. Since it starts Friday and lasts through Monday afternoon, we originally planned for Jeff to go by himself while I stayed home with the kids. We would never have thought of dragging three kids to a whole weekend of adult conversation. As a mom, I know the realities of their limits. We didn't have anyone who could watch them. My staying home was the only logical choice.

As it turned out, though, it was necessary that I come. So here we are, all logic thrown out the window, and on our way. We decided that it would be fun to go early and camp at Rocky Mountain National Park for a few days before we are scheduled to be in Colorado Springs. Of course, when I agreed to this, I didn't know about the black bears that supposedly frequent the campsite! I'm wondering what in the world I've gotten myself into!

As nervous as I am, though, I'm also very excited to witness the beauty of God's creation through little eyes... I know God's plans are always so much bigger than ours, and I'm looking forward to His whispers to all of us this week as we get out of our routine and away from the noise that clutters up our lives, preventing us from hearing all the secrets He wants to share.

Day 1

We left the apartment at about 2pm, after loading gear for at least two hours. The kids are so excited. We drove until about 7pm, where we stopped at McDonald's, somewhere in Oklahoma, to eat dinner. Then we loaded up the van and drove until about midnight, landing in Hays, KS, where we stayed at the Ramada there. Everyone was so tired!

Day 2

Up at 730am. Everyone slept so great. After eating breakfast at the hotel, we re-loaded the van, re-iced the cooler, and were on the road again! We drove to Denver, where we had to stop at Wal-Mart to buy a few items that we'd forgotten to pack for camping. Everyone was crying because they were all hungry (it's getting close to dinner time and we didn't even stop for lunch!), but Jeff is determined to get to the campsite and set up before it rains or gets dark. As we drove into the park, however, we were all distracted by the elk grazing along the roadsides and in the open fields. They were beautiful! The kids were so fascinated!

We arrived at the campsite and started setting up our tent. Hannah and Cael were immediately drawn to the rocks behind our site, which were great for climbing and exploring. As Jeff and I worked, we looked up to find several deer milling around us, looking for food. The kids loved it! After getting our sleeping arrangements settled, we warmed up chili for dinner (Jeff's special recipe that he'd made and frozen before we'd left), topped with chips and cheese, it was perfect as the sun was setting and the temperature was dropping. We sat around the fire for a little while, roasted marshmallows, and then headed to bed, excited about what tomorrow would bring.

Day 3

Everyone was up around 730am. I slept terribly the night before because it was so cold at night, around 42 degrees. Plus, we hadn't been able to get our air mattress blown up and I was so uncomfortable! I am determined to get it inflated before tonight, though! Jeff fixed eggs, sausage, and hash browns on our camp stove, and with coffee and hot chocolate, we were able to warm up a little. After breakfast, we drove to Bear Lake and hiked an easy trail around the lake. It was beautiful.

The kids got hungry, so we left and went back to the campsite for pb&j and chips. Hudson and I laid down for a nap while Jeff, Hannah, and Cael went hiking on the rocks and horse trails directly behind our campsite. Then we roasted hot dogs over the fire with leftover chili... yum! Got cleaned up, made s'mores, and went to bed, all the while listening to the bugling of the elk down in the valley below.

Day 4

I slept so well last night! We got the mattress blown up, and that made all the difference! We did all sleep with hats and double clothing IN our 0 degree, mummy-style sleeping bags to stay warm. Again, the bugling lasted all night long. We loaded up and drove to a picnic area not far away that is right beside a trout stream that runs into Sprague Lake. It was such a beautiful morning with beautiful scenery. We had donuts and muffins with hot chocolate at the picnic area and then took a walk around the lake. The water was so clear that we cold see the trout, bathing in the sun. Jeff was kicking himself for not bringing his fishing gear, but there simply hadn't been room! After our morning walk, we went back to our campsite and packed lunches. Then BACK into the van for a drive over to Bear Lake again. This time, we'd decided to head up the mountain for a 'moderate' hike up to Emerald Lake. This trail winds up the mountain, passes Nymph Lake, up, up, up to Dream Lake, and finally to Emerald Lake. We take off, with Hudson on my chest in the Baby Bjorn, and Jeff and the kiddos each carrying a backpack. We stop at Nymph Lake and eat sandwiches. We just about had to fight the chipmunks off with a stick. At one point, Cael reached down and was able to pet one of them as he just sat there! Of course, afterwards, Cael wanted to pet ALL the animals... elk, deer, chipmunks, squirrels...

After lunch, we started up the mountain, where many of the Aspen trees are just turning yellow. The climb was difficult, especially with Hudson, but we slowly made it! Once we got to Dream Lake, though, we were all blown away by the beauty. I sat down on one of the rocks with Hannah, and we talked about how God made all this beauty for us. Hannah is forever drawing or coloring pictures for me. I told her that it's a lot like that with God. I said, 'You know how you love it when I really brag on your artwork, and tell you what a great job you did? It's like that with God! He wants us to brag on His work, appreciate it, and let Him know how much we love it. We should see this as a gift from Him, just like your pictures are a gift to ME!' And what a gift it was.

As we sat there, admiring the crystal clear water and the green firs and yellow aspens around us, some very dark clouds rolled in, and it started sprinkling. We decided not to continue up to Emerald Lake (I was secretly thankful, as my back was really starting to hurt from the passenger I was carrying!), so we headed back down the mountain. Hudson fell asleep as we were walking, and the kids were so tired when we finished. Jeff thought it would be fun to drive around and see the rest of the park, and maybe let the kids sleep. So we loaded everyone up and started driving up the mountains. Now, I knew that I was afraid of heights, but as we went further and further up, I started to get sick just looking out my window. I was having to shield my eyes from the view! A little further up, and I was having trouble breathing, starting to panic. All I could think when I looked out the window was how easy it would be to go over the side of that mountain! Jeff said I was making HIM nervous, so he decided to try to find a place to turn around. I just wanted out! I didn't even care about getting back down the mountain, I just wanted out! This experience has never happened to me before, and I feel a little silly explaining it now, but I have never been so afraid in all my life! It was crazy! Apparently, my fear of heights has gotten much worse in the last few years! I was so glad when we finally made it down to our campsite where it was safe again! Later, we stopped in Estes Park and got sandwiches, which we took back to our site and ate for dinner. Hudson slept in the tent (finally!) while we made s'mores, and then Jeff took us to the rocks behind our tent and we sat looking at the stars. We talked about how big the sky is, how many stars are out there that we can't even see... And how God made them all. Finally, we read a few chapters of Stuart Little around the campfire, and then went to bed. It had been a very eventful day!

Day 5

We got up early today, packed our gear, and headed to Colorado Springs for MCYM Discernment Weekend. As we drove, Jeff and I commented on how close Hannah and Cael had been over this trip. They've really gotten to be good friends since I'd been home schooling Hannah, but while we were camping, they had so much fun. They liked hiking, but couldn't wait to get back to our campsite to pretend-play. Cael was always Peter Pan, and Hannah would be Wendy, while the massive rocks around us were their pirate ship. It was so great to watch them really enjoy each other! We arrived at 2pm, talked the hotel into allowing us to check in early so we could shower (for the first time in three days!), and then headed to MCYM headquarters for our first meeting. They introduced us to the other candidates (it's a small group of about six or so) plus the MCYM staff, and then Jeff stayed while I took the kids back to the hotel room to wait for him. At dinnertime, we met back at the St Vrain house for yummy enchiladas and then listened to one staff member's experiences. It was very helpful to hear about these experiences, as Jeff and I could identify with many parts of her story... such as not knowing where you're headed, not having any military experience, not being able to make sense of it all, but just knowing you're following God. After evening prayer, we went to the hotel to go to bed.

Day 6

On Saturday, I met two of the MCYM staff's spouses, Liz and Mary, in our hotel lobby with one other candidate's wife, Ashley. We headed to a local coffee shop for coffee and conversation. It was a chance for me, as a spouse, to hear their experiences and advice, as well as a time for Ashley and me to ask questions. It was a very helpful experience, and I was able to get a glimpse of what it looks like to be a wife of an MCYM staff person. During this time, Jeff took Hannah and Cael to a baby sitter's house. I have to admit, I was a little hesitant on this point, since I didn't know the babysitter, and had only briefly met her mother at the MCYM headquarters yesterday. But we needed to attend meetings, and couldn't bring the kids along, so I just prayed that I was doing the right thing. During the morning, we listened to a presentation on MCYM, and then we shared our own experience of how we got to this point. Later we would hear others' experiences. This was great because we could all identify with each other, as well as take encouragement in seeing how God is working in the lives of each other and in this ministry. The 'stories' part of this weekend was probably the most helpful to me, because it was a chance to see that others are in the same position as we are. Afterwards, I picked up the kids, and took them back to the hotel while Jeff attended more meetings. We met for dinner at St Vrain again, and then the MCYM staff did a mock club for us. It was a lot of fun, and I loved that Hannah and Cael got to attend with us. The kids loved that we played games with balloons and marshmallows-awesome! Plus, it was a great opportunity for them to see what it is that Daddy will be doing. When he used to help out with Young Life on Monday nights, they always asked me what 'club' was. So here, they were able to get an idea of what it is. Afterward, we had a discussion about what works for club, helpful resources for activities, and how to piece it all together. Finally, we went back to the hotel for bed.

Day 7

Today we got up early, took all of the kids to the sitter's, and met the other MCYM staff and candidates at St Vrain. From there, we headed to the Air Force Academy to attend Catholic and Protestant services there. After the Protestant service, we were able to chat with Chaplain McClelland, and he was able to share his experiences and a little advice with us. Afterward, we all had lunch before picking up the kiddos at the sitters. By the way, the kids had so much fun they begged to go back. Cael called it, 'the baby office' for some reason. He's a funny kid! We went to the MCYM office for Jeff and I to have a one-on-one talk with two of the MCYM staff. I think it was like an interview for us as well as an interview for them. I really enjoyed getting to talk to Debi (a wife of a retired serviceman), and Christine (who had served for 7 years in Germany as an MCYM staff person). Finally we left to go back to the hotel. We ordered pizza for dinner. Let me just say that taking any trip with a 9-month-old baby is exhausting! I felt like I could never put him down! While we were camping, he hated being cooped up in the tent if we weren't in there with him; but if he was outside, he would try to eat dirt and rocks. So I had to carry him everywhere. At 20 pounds, he's quite an extra weight! And while we're at the hotel, it is the same. He is just at the age where he wants to be crawling around all the time, and that makes travel especially hard right now. Anyway, after a long day, I was worn out, and so Hudson and I slept while Jeff took the kids swimming in the pool. Then we all went to bed and slept soundly.

Day 8

We got up around 730am, packed up the room, ate breakfast, and drove about 5 minutes west to see the Manitou Cave Dwellings. This was a super-cool experience. There are these Native American homes, built under the overhang of a cliff, well-preserved and over 700 years old. It was really fun since Hannah and I have talked recently about such things as Indian tribes, tribal cultures, homes, archaeological finds, etc in our home school studies. It was almost magical to see her recognize several of the things we've talked about, and to hear her connect the dots as she could see and even touch the things of which we'd read about in books. This experience made me really glad I'm home schooling this year. It was such a neat experience.

When we left, we decided to try to drive home in one stretch. So we drove for what seemed like forever. We did stop in Tulsa to eat. Then we got in the car again, and drove until about 430am, when we arrived home. We put everyone to bed and slept until about 930am. We had to get the van back to the rental company, and I had mountains of laundry to do!

Downpour

There's nothing quite like a downpour when it's been hot and dry for a long, long time. I took the kids out and let them play in the drizzling rain this afternoon, and it brought back memories of splashing through the puddles as a kid... the feel of cold drops on your skin, the fresh smell of the rain, the green color it brings out in everything.

Jeff and I have been 'playing in the rain' ourselves, over the last two days. Not a physical rain, but a spiritual one. Of course, a long drought is what makes the rain feel so beautiful, and we've been having a drought, no question about it!

Monday night, Jeff shared with me how frustrated he was with where we are right now. He admitted how disappointed he'd felt when he wasn't able to raise the necessary support for us to go to Ireland, even if there was a very short amount of time given to us to raise the money. He said he felt afraid to go back to the support-raising arena. The truth is, we'd both felt somewhat lost since we found out we wouldn't be going to Ireland. We felt our dream had been taken from us, as if it was really ours at all. We were sad, and to be honest, a little humiliated. We'd been sitting in this place for several weeks now, without any clear direction from God. We had decided to pursue MCYM, but we hadn't had a specific call for that. We just decided that if this is what God was putting in our path, we would go until He stopped us. But we hadn't heard Him say specifically "Go", nor had we heard Him tell us to stay. It is a frustrating place to live. Anyway, that night, we prayed that God would give us some direction, confirm our calling, give us some kind of comfort.

And the very next morning, the rain came. When Jeff checked the mailbox that morning, we had a letter from a man who helped us fix our car several weeks ago. This individual just happened to have 15 years of experience on the mission field. His letter was full of encouragement for the support-raising process. He reminded us that WE cannot raise the support on our own, that we don't want to... but that it is in God's hands. We realized how right he was as we thought about the fact that God caused our car to overheat in front of his house just so he could encourage us and support us when we desperately needed encouragement and support! God is amazing!

The next day, Jeff had a meeting scheduled with YL International's finance coach to try to set up a budget for MCYM. He had helped us create a budget for Ireland, and had seen how that situation had played out. However, it had been some time since we had talked with him. That day, he told Jeff that YL Ireland is struggling financially right now. One person who is there now was at CCO (training) with us in January, and she left about the time we were supposed to leave. She is now in a deficit. The finance guy told Jeff that it's obvious God is looking out for our family. I mean, I know that many times God protects us and we never even know. But here, He's allowed us to see a little bit of His 'behind-the-scenes' provisions.

Don't you just love it when He does that?

Encounter

Last week NLC had VBS. Hannah and her cousin Karleigh went, and they had a blast! It was such fun listening to them chatter on about what this girl said or that guy did... Listening to them in the back seat was like listening to tiny little teenagers!

After the first night at VBS, the girls were pretty wound up at bedtime, and Hannah got out of bed in the middle of the night and came into my room to ask me to come kiss her goodnight... again! I was a little upset about this, because 1) I had already kissed her goodnight, and 2)we have a rule in our house that you don't get out of bed after 'lights out' unless it is an emergency (which this was not!), and 3)SHE WOKE ME UP! I promptly sent her back to her bed.

The next afternoon, as I was driving Hannah to VBS, she looked over at me from the passenger side of the car and said, "Mom! Guess what? The coolest thing happened! I was feeling kind-of sad when you told me to get back in bed last night. I went back to my room and lay down in bed and do you know what I did? I decided to tell God about it! And Mom, after I finished talking to Him, I didn't feel sad anymore. Then I could just go to sleep! It was the coolest thing!"

I wanted to pull the car over right there and hug her forever! I guess I just want SO MUCH for her to have that special relationship with her Heavenly Father. Hearing her tell me this little story was an awesome experience for me because it allowed me to have a glimpse of the very beginning of that! And I will never forget the look in her eyes or the excitement in her voice. It was like she really got it. She really understood, all on her own!

My greatest desire for my children is that they really know and walk with Christ throughout their lives. I want this so much! For Hannah to share this encounter with me, unprompted, was such a beautiful gift from my Savior that I can not put into words how much it means to me. I am so grateful that He gave me her, and that she shared that moment with me!

the Unfamiliar

It's been a while since I wrote my first post... I've been waiting. I wrote my first post as we were selling our house. As it turns out, shortly after we moved into the apartment where we now reside, we realized that some things were just not right with the plan to move to Ireland. There were days when we thought we would not be moving overseas. There were days when we knew we would. It was so up and down, I couldn't write about it. Even now, I'm hesitant to put anything here since things tend to change so rapidly.

On the other hand, what is this blog if not a documentation of the process?

I won't go into the reasons, but we have decided that moving to Ireland, at this moment in our lives, is not the right thing to do. Currently, we are considering working with a ministry called MCYM, or Military Community Youth Ministries. This is an organization, still under Young Life, which serves military kids. We are still looking to go overseas, possibly to Italy or Germany. However, as I said, everything is up in the air at this point.

I have to be honest: I struggle with this change in events. I'm really having a hard time understanding why God would specifically call us to Ireland only to send us to Germany.

I keep remembering, however, that in our first introduction to Young Life International, it was conveyed to us many times that our initial ideas about location may not be the end result because God loves to use the familiar to get us to the unfamiliar. And to me, Germany is definitely unfamiliar. Actually, ANY place that speaks a different language than I do is unfamiliar to me! But maybe this does make sense. Perhaps God called me to Ireland because He knew I love that country. I've been there more than once, and I wouldn't have to learn a new language. By the time I get accustomed to going to another country, however, God sends me in a new direction. Maybe if He'd called me to Germany in the first place, I would never have gone. But if He got me used to the idea with a place that was a little more comfortable... little by little...

As Jeff says, God just wants us to be obedient. So that is what we're trying to do.

Packing To Move

So I've been thinking a lot lately, as I'm packing up my house to move, about what started this journey for me. And I was reminded yesterday of a sunny afternoon last year when I felt in my heart that God was inviting me to spend some time with Him. It was a gorgeous day, and since the kids were napping, I went outside with my Bible and started to read.

I happened upon John 21, which is now one of my favorite passages. This chapter tells a beautiful story that captures Peter's passion for Jesus. It takes place after Jesus has already been crucified and resurrected, and when Peter, in his fishing boat, recognizes Jesus on land, he gets so excited that he jumps in the water and swims to Jesus.

As I sat in the sunshine, I felt a light breeze blow across my face and heard this question in my heart, "Diana, will you get out of the boat? Do you love me that much?"

To me, the 'boat' represents all the things that were familiar to me. Just as the disciples were comfortable with their lives as fishermen, I felt comfortable with my 'ordinary' life as a stay-at-home mom. I like the idea of raising my kids in a small town, going to school activities, spending time as a family in the evenings and on weekends, going on yearly vacations, etc. That was my 'boat'.

Peter's knee-jerk reaction was to jump out of the ordinary as soon as he saw his beloved Master. What would mine be?

As I write, I'm looking around at boxes of stuff that we're packing up to move. We're moving to a rental house, temporarily, before we move to Ireland. There's nothing ordinary about my life right now. I have no idea how long we'll live at our temporary location. I have no idea when we'll move overseas. I don't know when Jeff will quit his job and how we will live with no income. I don't know how long it will take to raise support. I am clueless about the process, the details. I wonder what it will feel like to finally buy that one-way plane ticket for not only Jeff and me, but also for our three kids... What will the schools be like for Hannah, and soon, Cael? What about housing when we get there? How will I ever learn to drive on the other side of the car, on the other side of the road? What if this slow-speaking Southern girl can't understand the rhetoric of the Irish tongue? What if my kids hate it?

All I know is that I see my Master on the shore, figuratively, of Ireland. So I'm jumping out of the boat and swimming with all my might toward the Emerald Isle.