Downpour

There's nothing quite like a downpour when it's been hot and dry for a long, long time. I took the kids out and let them play in the drizzling rain this afternoon, and it brought back memories of splashing through the puddles as a kid... the feel of cold drops on your skin, the fresh smell of the rain, the green color it brings out in everything.

Jeff and I have been 'playing in the rain' ourselves, over the last two days. Not a physical rain, but a spiritual one. Of course, a long drought is what makes the rain feel so beautiful, and we've been having a drought, no question about it!

Monday night, Jeff shared with me how frustrated he was with where we are right now. He admitted how disappointed he'd felt when he wasn't able to raise the necessary support for us to go to Ireland, even if there was a very short amount of time given to us to raise the money. He said he felt afraid to go back to the support-raising arena. The truth is, we'd both felt somewhat lost since we found out we wouldn't be going to Ireland. We felt our dream had been taken from us, as if it was really ours at all. We were sad, and to be honest, a little humiliated. We'd been sitting in this place for several weeks now, without any clear direction from God. We had decided to pursue MCYM, but we hadn't had a specific call for that. We just decided that if this is what God was putting in our path, we would go until He stopped us. But we hadn't heard Him say specifically "Go", nor had we heard Him tell us to stay. It is a frustrating place to live. Anyway, that night, we prayed that God would give us some direction, confirm our calling, give us some kind of comfort.

And the very next morning, the rain came. When Jeff checked the mailbox that morning, we had a letter from a man who helped us fix our car several weeks ago. This individual just happened to have 15 years of experience on the mission field. His letter was full of encouragement for the support-raising process. He reminded us that WE cannot raise the support on our own, that we don't want to... but that it is in God's hands. We realized how right he was as we thought about the fact that God caused our car to overheat in front of his house just so he could encourage us and support us when we desperately needed encouragement and support! God is amazing!

The next day, Jeff had a meeting scheduled with YL International's finance coach to try to set up a budget for MCYM. He had helped us create a budget for Ireland, and had seen how that situation had played out. However, it had been some time since we had talked with him. That day, he told Jeff that YL Ireland is struggling financially right now. One person who is there now was at CCO (training) with us in January, and she left about the time we were supposed to leave. She is now in a deficit. The finance guy told Jeff that it's obvious God is looking out for our family. I mean, I know that many times God protects us and we never even know. But here, He's allowed us to see a little bit of His 'behind-the-scenes' provisions.

Don't you just love it when He does that?

Encounter

Last week NLC had VBS. Hannah and her cousin Karleigh went, and they had a blast! It was such fun listening to them chatter on about what this girl said or that guy did... Listening to them in the back seat was like listening to tiny little teenagers!

After the first night at VBS, the girls were pretty wound up at bedtime, and Hannah got out of bed in the middle of the night and came into my room to ask me to come kiss her goodnight... again! I was a little upset about this, because 1) I had already kissed her goodnight, and 2)we have a rule in our house that you don't get out of bed after 'lights out' unless it is an emergency (which this was not!), and 3)SHE WOKE ME UP! I promptly sent her back to her bed.

The next afternoon, as I was driving Hannah to VBS, she looked over at me from the passenger side of the car and said, "Mom! Guess what? The coolest thing happened! I was feeling kind-of sad when you told me to get back in bed last night. I went back to my room and lay down in bed and do you know what I did? I decided to tell God about it! And Mom, after I finished talking to Him, I didn't feel sad anymore. Then I could just go to sleep! It was the coolest thing!"

I wanted to pull the car over right there and hug her forever! I guess I just want SO MUCH for her to have that special relationship with her Heavenly Father. Hearing her tell me this little story was an awesome experience for me because it allowed me to have a glimpse of the very beginning of that! And I will never forget the look in her eyes or the excitement in her voice. It was like she really got it. She really understood, all on her own!

My greatest desire for my children is that they really know and walk with Christ throughout their lives. I want this so much! For Hannah to share this encounter with me, unprompted, was such a beautiful gift from my Savior that I can not put into words how much it means to me. I am so grateful that He gave me her, and that she shared that moment with me!

the Unfamiliar

It's been a while since I wrote my first post... I've been waiting. I wrote my first post as we were selling our house. As it turns out, shortly after we moved into the apartment where we now reside, we realized that some things were just not right with the plan to move to Ireland. There were days when we thought we would not be moving overseas. There were days when we knew we would. It was so up and down, I couldn't write about it. Even now, I'm hesitant to put anything here since things tend to change so rapidly.

On the other hand, what is this blog if not a documentation of the process?

I won't go into the reasons, but we have decided that moving to Ireland, at this moment in our lives, is not the right thing to do. Currently, we are considering working with a ministry called MCYM, or Military Community Youth Ministries. This is an organization, still under Young Life, which serves military kids. We are still looking to go overseas, possibly to Italy or Germany. However, as I said, everything is up in the air at this point.

I have to be honest: I struggle with this change in events. I'm really having a hard time understanding why God would specifically call us to Ireland only to send us to Germany.

I keep remembering, however, that in our first introduction to Young Life International, it was conveyed to us many times that our initial ideas about location may not be the end result because God loves to use the familiar to get us to the unfamiliar. And to me, Germany is definitely unfamiliar. Actually, ANY place that speaks a different language than I do is unfamiliar to me! But maybe this does make sense. Perhaps God called me to Ireland because He knew I love that country. I've been there more than once, and I wouldn't have to learn a new language. By the time I get accustomed to going to another country, however, God sends me in a new direction. Maybe if He'd called me to Germany in the first place, I would never have gone. But if He got me used to the idea with a place that was a little more comfortable... little by little...

As Jeff says, God just wants us to be obedient. So that is what we're trying to do.

Packing To Move

So I've been thinking a lot lately, as I'm packing up my house to move, about what started this journey for me. And I was reminded yesterday of a sunny afternoon last year when I felt in my heart that God was inviting me to spend some time with Him. It was a gorgeous day, and since the kids were napping, I went outside with my Bible and started to read.

I happened upon John 21, which is now one of my favorite passages. This chapter tells a beautiful story that captures Peter's passion for Jesus. It takes place after Jesus has already been crucified and resurrected, and when Peter, in his fishing boat, recognizes Jesus on land, he gets so excited that he jumps in the water and swims to Jesus.

As I sat in the sunshine, I felt a light breeze blow across my face and heard this question in my heart, "Diana, will you get out of the boat? Do you love me that much?"

To me, the 'boat' represents all the things that were familiar to me. Just as the disciples were comfortable with their lives as fishermen, I felt comfortable with my 'ordinary' life as a stay-at-home mom. I like the idea of raising my kids in a small town, going to school activities, spending time as a family in the evenings and on weekends, going on yearly vacations, etc. That was my 'boat'.

Peter's knee-jerk reaction was to jump out of the ordinary as soon as he saw his beloved Master. What would mine be?

As I write, I'm looking around at boxes of stuff that we're packing up to move. We're moving to a rental house, temporarily, before we move to Ireland. There's nothing ordinary about my life right now. I have no idea how long we'll live at our temporary location. I have no idea when we'll move overseas. I don't know when Jeff will quit his job and how we will live with no income. I don't know how long it will take to raise support. I am clueless about the process, the details. I wonder what it will feel like to finally buy that one-way plane ticket for not only Jeff and me, but also for our three kids... What will the schools be like for Hannah, and soon, Cael? What about housing when we get there? How will I ever learn to drive on the other side of the car, on the other side of the road? What if this slow-speaking Southern girl can't understand the rhetoric of the Irish tongue? What if my kids hate it?

All I know is that I see my Master on the shore, figuratively, of Ireland. So I'm jumping out of the boat and swimming with all my might toward the Emerald Isle.